As a yoga teacher and an eating disorder survivor, I saw this book in the self-help section of the book store recently and thought “I have to have this.” The subtitle is what got me: “A Self-Compassionate Approach to Freeing yourself from Disordered Eating.” I had recently gained weight and been struggling mentally with that, so I thought this book might help.
And it certainly did. The thing I loved about this book is that the author is not only a yoga teacher as well, but also a licensed clinical social worker with a PhD, so every aspect of her writing was well thought out and researched. She incorporates all of aspects of her knowledge in a layout touching on what she calls the nine phases of recovery: feeling broken, building compassion from the outside in, embracing your power and independence, becoming embodied, discovering self-compassion, approaching recovery with self-compassion, believing you are worthy of healing, finding healing and wholeness, growing into self-love. Within each chapter/phase, she includes her research findings, and she offers journal prompts and reflections as well as physical yoga practices all to help process disordered thinking, let go of it, and promote self-love, compassion and healing.
I folded down the corners of each of the pages with the practices with the plan to return to this book whenever I’m feeling down about my body. Having tangible things to do to help process these thoughts is incredibly helpful and makes this a book worth returning to over and over again.
Twice a year, I give myself a literary-based reset. Around my birthday and New Year’s Day (both the starts of new years), I reflect on where I’ve been the last year and where I want to go in the next year, and I rely on a book to inspire me to make move toward those goals. For my birthday this year, I read Chakra Healing, hoping it would, in fact, help to heal me further in a spiritual way.
A lot of my spiritual healing and growth happened in the years immediately after my dad died after I moved away far from home, landing a job I didn’t love. I underwent 200 and then another 300 hours of yoga teacher training and spent two years learning much more about myself than I ever did previously in therapy. Learning about the chakras was one of my favorite parts of that teacher training. The chakras may sound a little “woo-woo” to those outside the yoga world, but there is a scientific component to them. The chakras are the energy centers of the body, the locations where many of our nerves and energy lines intersect. Combined, they work as a force. Even those who don’t know what chakras are inadvertently talk about them all the time. Anytime you find yourself saying something like “I had a gut feeling” or “my mind and my heart want two different things” or “I have butterflies in my stomach,” you are referencing different chakras. Gut feeling = third chakra. Mind = seventh chakra. Heart = fourth chakra. Butterflies in stomach = third chakra.
Michelle S. Fondin’s book Chakra Healing for Vibrant Energy was perfect offering for resetting where I want to be. It not only refreshed my memory of what I learned about the chakra in my yoga teacher training, but it went even deeper, not only explaining the meaning of each chakra but also offering tangible things one can do to revive the energy in each chakra. Each chapter focuses on a different chakra and explains where that chakra is located in the body, what it controls, how to know if that particular chakra is off-balance for you and what you can do to re-balance it. In reading her book, I learned my second chakra (the sacral chakra, which focuses on ease) and my fifth chakra (the throat chakra, which focuses on how you speak and use your voice honestly and appropriately) are the most out of wack. Those imbalances, according to Fondin, show themselves in the form of being reactive, getting bogged down in dark emotions and talking too much, replacing speaking by yelling or crying or speaking to convince rather than inspire. I love that the book points these out.
All too often, self-help books tell a person what to do. But the author it writing this advice blindly, without knowing the reader’s personal and particular problems. But this book, unlike many others, states: “hey, if this is what you’re struggling with, do this. But if this is what you’re dealing with, do this.” That the suggestions are so implementable — journaling! dietary changes! meditating! — the book feels like it truly does help. It suggests focusing on one chakra at a time — maybe one a day, or one a month, so you can do a fully body healing over seven months. I love that idea and think I’ll re-read the book in bits here and there so I can do a deep dive on each chakra, giving myself more time to grow and focus on the healing I feel I really need.
In my ongoing theme of reading Queer Eye stars’ memoirs before watching the latest season of the show (no, I still haven’t gotten around to it; there are a lot of shows to watch!), I read Tan France’s memoir in quick succession after reading JVN’s. Anticipating it to be not-so-great after reading and not loving JVN’s, Naturally Tan turned out to be a pleasant and vast improvement in the way of QE books. Naturally Tan is as fabulous as the author himself. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised after all. Tan France, as we know from the show, is fashionable, prim, proper, soft-spoken and kind. From his memoir, we also learn he’s an intellect who is extremely in touch with his feelings, self-aware, and lives with intent and love. His showcases all this through his book, which is much more than just a memoir.
It’s part memoir, part self-help, part fashion how-to with chapters about him and his life growing up gay and brown in England interspersed with “PSAs” about little black somethings, T-shirts and accessories as well as life advice asides about not gossiping in the workplace and dating dos-and-don’ts. If it seems like that might be a lot to mix into one book or if it seems like that might become a jumbled mess, it actually isn’t and doesn’t. With the bullying and rebellion Tan went through growing up as a brown outsider, the love he found in his partner and the the no-bullshit approach he’s taken to become an extremely successful business owner and TV personality, the reader quickly trusts him with every piece of advice he offers. After reading about his businesses and the hard work he put into building them, including hiring associates, his chapter on not gossiping with or about coworkers affected me and made me want to be a kinder, more generous employee. His chapters about clothes made me re-think my closet. Even his dos and don’ts of dating forced me to consider the way I treat my partner and myself.
When a person you respect offers advice, you’re more inclined to listen. Naturally Tan enforces – or if you’ve watched Queer Eye, reinforces – that Tan is a person to not only be respected, but admired. He may only be 40 years old, but he’s lived quite some life, one worth writing a memoir about and one worth reading about.
Pretty ironic to take a year-and-a-half off from writing on this blog and then come back to restart it with a review of a book about doing nothing, huh? But alas, here we are. Yes, I’ve decided to hop back on the book review blogging train. After the birth of my daughter, many of my hobbies were put on pause for a while. That was combined with a job that didn’t afford me much personal time. I’ve gotten a new job since then, and my daughter is older now. That means I’m reading more once again and excited to get back to blogging! Thanks for being on this fun ride with me.
So back to the book at hand. Unfortunately How To Do Nothing was nothing like I thought it would be. I had seen the book on the shelf of a friend’s house. The title, the cover, the explanation on the back all seemed like something that would interest me greatly, especially as I’m currently in a rather “minimalist” phase of life. In fact, this year my personal mantra for the year is “One Less,” meaning do one less thing as opposed to one more thing, which tends to be the state of my life.
This book initially spoke to me. After the initial chapters of the author explaining her deep dive into doing nothing, I quickly learned the book wouldn’t be quite what I thought. The subtitle is “Resisting the Attention Economy,” and as it turns out, the book’s content is extremely data and research-driven. It read more like one long published journal article rather than a book. The author is rather thorough and explains years worth of history about why people feel compelled to resist getting sucked up by our rather corporate world that prides itself on productivity. She then explains why it often hardly works, and how people have repeatedly failed at creating safe havens from the real world, even including hippies in their communes.
Don’t get me wrong: some of the information the author shares is fascinating. She also talks about her own personal journey with doing less, including her newfound love of bird-watching as she’s made it a point to pay more attention to the world around her and go on walks in nature. But if you’re looking for a book that will offer tangible things to incorporate into your life to do nothing, this is not the book. The book often went above my head, becoming very esoteric and philosophical with long sentences and SAT words that made it hard to follow. At a certain point, I gave up on following the thread and instead focused on finding small nuggets of gold that resonated with me.
Maybe then, the bigger issue is simply the title. How does one sell a book with the words “How To” in it and then not tell you how to do said thing?
I’m going to be completely honest with you. This year was an absolute crap year for me when it came to reading. I recognize a global pandemic may have seemed like the perfect opportunity to sit and read a ton, and I’m well aware that many people did that. However, I’m an essential worker and was not home nearly as much as some others this year, and I also felt so completely drained by work and the day-to-day reality of the state of the world that when I was home, I found myself wanting to do nothing more than veg out on the couch watching Netflix. I simply felt I had no more brainpower to expend on reading.
That said, I read far fewer books than I normally do in a year and kept this list a little shorter for that reason.
Another thing. Here’s the disclaimer I include every year. This is not a list of my top picks of books that were published this year (although some were). For that kind of list, I recommend the NYTimes 100 Notable Books of 2020 list. This is a list of my top picks of books I personally read in 2020, regardless of what year they were published. Below that is a complete list of the books I read this year. Enjoy!
8. The Sweeney Sisters – This fictional tale of three wealthy sisters grappling with the death of their famous father and what to do with his legacy was a perfect summer beach read. Light, easy, romantic, a little predictable and still a lot of fun.
7. Living the Sutras – Part yoga textbook and part journal guide, this book breaks down the ancient yoga sutras, detailing the theory and practice of yoga. Each of the 195 sutras go much deeper than “triangle pose!” and in this book, each is accompanied with a little writing prompt, allowing the reader to also go deep and learn about themselves while reading.
6. The Promise of a Pencil – Part memoir/part self-help, Adam Braun shares how he built an incredibly successful charitable organization from the ground up. In doing so, he also shares how he learned to let go of the corporate life he was conditioned to desire, how to be a better leader and human and the importance of leaning into your passion for the betterment of the future.
5. Unbearable Lightness – I never really cared or knew much about Portia de Rossi until I read this book, and now I have incredible respect for her. Her memoir about her battle with an extreme eating disorder and depression is dark, honest, real and compelling. And her ability to write far exceeded my expectations.
4. Universe of Two – This WWII-era historical fiction novel has nothing to do with battle and nothing to do with the Holocaust. What a gift. Instead it centers on the Manhattan Project: one of the engineers involved and the women he was in love with who lived across the country. It’s romantic, educational, beautifully written and I couldn’t put it down.
3. Waiting for the Punch – If you’re a fan of Marc Maron’s podcast WTF, you will love this book. And if you’re not, but have always wondered what the fuss is all about, this book is your perfect way in. The book is divided into themes, and each one includes transcriptions of some of his best, funniest and saddest celebrity interviews. I may have cried more reading this book this year than any other. It is chock full of life lessons and earns its own credit separately from the podcast.
2. Becoming – What more can I say about Michelle Obama’s famous, bestselling memoir that hasn’t already been said? It is superb. It is honest, feminist, political without being too political, uplifting and inspiring. I don’t know why I waited so long to read it, and honestly, why have you?
Untamed – Glennon Doyle deserves every bit of praise she received this year for this book. The bestseller struck a serious chord with most of America as Doyle details her honest descriptions of falling in love, parenting, feminism, politics, charity and the importance of being true to yourself and your passions and following through with everyone you want despite the “consequences.” She calls herself on her bullshit. And you’ll read this, crying, calling yourself on yours.
BOOKS I READ IN 2020
The Magnanimous Heart – Narayan Helen Liebenson
The Promise of a Pencil – Adam Braun
Unbearable Lightness – Portia de Rossi
Okay Fine Whatever – Courtenay Hameister
40 Days to Personal Revolution – Baron Baptiste
The Sweeney Sisters – Lian Dolan
Universe of Two – Stephen P. Kiernan
Untamed – Glennon Doyle
Becoming – Michelle Obama
Waiting for the Punch – Marc Maron
Living the Sutras – Kelly DiNardo
Lyndon Johnson and the American Dream – Doris Kearns Goodwin
Recap: Words of wisdom, words for laughter, words for self-love and compassion, words of you’re-not-alone-ness. As comedian and actor Marc Maron has proven with hit hit podcast WTF with Marc Maron, when you wait for punchline — either comedically or dramatically — and you finally hear it, everything changes. Maron has encountered hundreds of these moments on his podcast, talking with fellow comedians and actors as well as musicians, directors and even politicians about their lives and mental states. Something fascinating almost always comes from one of his interviews, something we, as listeners, can take with us as guidance for how to keep going in this crazy world.
Waiting for the Punch compiles and transcribes snippets from many of Maron’s interviews over the years. Each chapter is themed around a specific topic, including growing up, relationships, addiction, mortality, failure and success. Fan favorites like Mel Brooks, Bruce Springsteen and President Barack Obama are sprinkled throughout the book speaking about several topics. Each selection is note-worthy. Some stories are just so wild and crazy, I found myself completely entranced. Some stories made me laugh, others made me sob. I can honestly say I learned something from almost every one.
Analysis: As a huge fan of Maron’s podcast, I never hesitated to buy and read his book. But at some point, I did wonder what it would add if I’d already heard these — or at least some of these — interviews. But reading the book makes its purpose quite clear.
At times people talk so fast, it’s hard to fully take in what they’re saying and allow those words to land before the conversation moves on. Being able to read what they’re saying allows me to gain far more insight from what they are sharing and offering the public. The podcast offers knowledge and conversation. The book offers resonance. Book in hand, I can highlight and save my favorite quotes as true words to live by and return to them again and again without having to search for and re-download a years-old podcast.
There are other great things the book offers. First, Maron introduces each chapter, and it is fantastic (as usual) to hear from him directly on these topics, these guests and his own journey and life lessons. But perhaps my favorite part of the book is the formatting. Not only is each chapter themed topically, but the selections also weave together. For instance, when in one interview Mel Brooks spoke candidly about his friendship with Carl Reiner, the next selection in the book is from Carl Reiner talking candidly about his friendship with Mel Brooks. The next selection was from an interview with Carl Reiner’s son, Rob Reiner who also talked about their friendship. There are many examples of this throughout the book. There’s a science and obvious thought behind which snippets went where.
As it turns out I never had any reason to down Waiting for the Punch. It’s something I can drop into or pick up re-read stories here and there whenever I want, depending on whatever it is I’m in the mood to learn about. I can only hope that Maron continues to put out new editions in the future.
Recap: A reflection on loss and grief, The Magnanimous Heart dives into meditation as a means of not necessarily coping with it all, but embracing it all as part of the process of life. The self-help book explains that the “magnanimous heart” is a heart of freedom, liberation, acceptance and balance. By explaining the “constant squeeze” of suffering that we all feel, author Narayan Helen Liebenson offers suggestions and concepts for stepping into feelings of “enoughness.”
She makes the case for not trying to “fix” anything but to accept and approach each moment exactly as it is and to recognize that our thoughts are mere thoughts, not truths or facts.
She explains the difference between psychological questions and meditative questions and encourages asking yourself those meditative questions and learning to just sit in it, even though the answers may not come.
The real freedom, she explains, comes when we relax the grasping, the “constant squeeze” for perfection or more or whatever that unattainable thing may be for you. It comes when we recognize “enoughness,” allow it and accept it.
Analysis: As a practitioner of meditation for several years and a deeper dive over the last year, I had been looking forward to reading this book for quite some time. After my father died a few years back, the title resonated with me. I ultimately enjoyed the book and found it incredibly insightful but it’s more difficult to say I found it useful.
Liebenson writes in a very abstract, greater concept kind of way with too few anecdotes to make me feel connected to her. I had to read sentences sometimes three and four times just to understand the point. And then once she made it, she often repeated it.
I loved everything she wrote and appreciated her explanations of why meditation can be helpful. But with a few weeks hindsight, I already can’t think of a specific tangible tidbit she offered for me to use to either improve my life or my daily practice …other than keep practicing.
But alas, maybe that’s enough. Maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe if I had been practicing meditation more consciously, my mind would have been sharp enough to have remembered more of her book.
I couldn’t let the new year (and decade!) begin without my favorite blog edition…my top picks of 2019! Fair warning: this year life really took hold. Suffice to say, I didn’t read nearly as much as I usually do or would like to. But I read enough to select my 10 favorites! This is a list of the best books I personally read, not necessarily books that were released in 2019. For a list of those, here you go. At the bottom, I’ve also included the complete list of books I read this year.
10. Before We Were Yours – This historical fiction novel showcases the awful beginnings of child adoptions in the United States. Its time jumps and changing narrators add suspense to the story of little Rill, who does everything she can to keep her family in tact when Tennessee Children’s Home Society (a real place in an otherwise made-up story) does everything it can to disrupt that for money.
9. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – It’s the anti-self-help self-help book. The book that tells you it’s not a self-help book and it’s going to tell you all the opposite things from a regular self-help book. And that’s kind of true. Which is why it’s so effective. A lot of my takeaways from this massive bestseller is that author Mark Manson relies on a lot of Buddhist methodology to explain how best to live your life – with the understanding that life is suffering and once we accept that, things can start to be a little better. Prepare for some foul language and real talk truths.
8. Not That Kind of Girl – Writer/director/actress Lena Dunham shares her life in this messy memoir made up of short stories and essays, unveiling the depths of her anxieties, neuroses and mental health issues as well as just being honest about what it is to be a girl and woman in the modern world. Some stories are sad, some are hilarious riots, but all are well-told, vulnerable, and bluntly honest.
7. How to Read Literature Like a Professor – This how-to for making literally any book better is divided into themes and symbols to explain what matters in a story and what it means. Chapters focus on anything and everything from the significance of ill characters in books to Bible references to food and sex and seasons. Most of the examples were from books and literature I haven’t read BUT the writer explains everything so well that it’s not only changed how I understand and appreciate books, it also applies to TV, film and pretty much any creative medium. A true game-changer.
6. Wherever You Go, There You Are – Author Jon Kabat-Zinn book on the power of meditation is a simplistic, effective how-to for those who have been meditating for years and those looking to start a regular practice. He’s science-based, but instead of constantly throwing facts, studies and research at the reader, he shared personal anecdotes and understandable metaphors to make meditation manageable.
5. Mistress of the Ritz – Melanie Benjamin does it again, choosing real people in history whose stories have remain mostly untold and telling them, with her own fictionalized dialogue and writing. This one is set in 1940’s Paris during WWII. It tells the story of a real couple, Claude and Blanche Auzello, who lets their marriage waiver as they focus on saving Jews during the Holocaust.
4. The Storyteller’s Secret – This fictional tale about love and love lost starts after modern-day Jaya has another miscarriage and separates from her husband. On a search for connection and answers to life’s questions, she travels to her family’s native India. During the course of the book, her story and her grandmother’s intertwine in a beautiful, heartbreaking and heartwarming way.
3. The Light We Lost – I went back and forth on where to rank this one because I loved it so much. The romance of two young people in NYC during 9/11 continues over the next 13 years. It is gripping, tragic, romantic, sexy. I can’t remember the last time I wanted to finish a book and simultaneously not want it to end so badly.
2. The Girls in the Picture – I was halfway (or more?) through this book before I realized this wasn’t only historical fiction about the beginning of the film industry in America in the early 1900s. It was also historical fiction about a real actress and female screenwriter who were friends. This film story that’s really about friendship and feminism detail the lives and careers of Frances Marion and Mary Pickford in a way that’s fun and dramatic.
1. The Four Agreements – Simple, but not easy. This big-time bestselling nonfiction quick read give you the basics everyone can and should follow to live a better, happier life. There are four agreements you must make with yourself. They sound simple enough, but life makes it really hard to make them easy. This book details the how and why. Once you read it, it is truly life-changing.
BOOKS I’VE READ 2019
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Peronsal Freedom – Miguel Ruiz
One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories – B.J. Novak
The Storyteller’s Secret – Sejal Badani
Goodbye, Vitamin – Rachel Khong
The Girls in the Picture – Melanie Benjamin
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life – Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Light We Lost – Jill Santopolo
Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s “Learned” – Lena Dunham
Stinky Tofu: A Comedic Novel – Ross Henry Nodell
Mistress of the Ritz – Melanie Benjamin
Then She Was Gone – Lisa Jewell
Unqualified – Anna Faris
Before We Were Yours – Lisa Wingate
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life – Mark Manson
How To Read Literature Like A Professor – Thomas C. Foster
Recap: Actress Anna Faris is unqualified to write this book about relationships and relationship advice. There’s no denying that. She’ll tell you that right off the top. Hell, it’s in the title. But she doesn’t care what you think. So she’s doing it anyway. Why? Well, in all honestly it’s at least in some part because her very successful podcast of the same name has garnered such a massive following that she knows she now has the ability to write a book that will sell. But on a less meta and more compassion wavelength, Faris is the kind of woman who battles insecurity like the rest of us and yet overcomes it – at least on the surface level – with a strong sense of “I-don’t-give-a-s***.” It’s taken her until her 30s and 40s – and admittedly so – to care less about what other people think and more about what’s best for her and her family.
That’s what Unqualified is really all about – a mix of stories and anecdotes from her life and the lessons they have taught her. She details the ways her relationships have changed her as a person and the ways fame has tried to do the same. Seventy-percent memoir and 30-percent self-help, Unqualified is a very honest glance into the world of a famous – but not super, uber iconic status famous – person who truly strives to be a better person everyday for her family, her fans and herself.
Analysis: Is Unqualified the best written memoir I’ve ever read? Absolutely not. Faris is not a writer. She is an actress and podcaster. She writes like she talks. As a broadcast journalist, I do the same, but in the beginning of her book I had a hard time taking her seriously because of the lackadaisical manner in which she writes. Here’s the thing: stick it out. It’s worth it.
If you’ve ever listened to Faris’s podcast, some of the anecdotes and things about her will be a little redundant. (We know this, Anna. We’ve heard it before.) But when it comes to her relationships with her exes and even friendships, she gets more honest and real than I ever expect out of a memoir, particularly a celebrity memoir. Was Chris Pratt okay with this? Was her first ex-husband? I’m sure she had clearance, but I was so flabbergasted with her realness, I couldn’t help but wonder.
That honesty is what works here. Faris does not pretend to be a perfect person. (Unqualified, remember?) But she writes what she knows, what she’s learned and hopes that for someone out there who may or may not even realize they need it, her book offers help. For me, it did; by showing me that we are always evolving and there is always room for acceptance and kindness.
Recap: Being present. Being mindful. Less time aimlessly scrolling on your phone. These are all things you hear more people talking about these days. Aspirations as many realize how harmful, depressing and unproductive we can be around our phones. But saying that we’re going to do all this is different from actually doing it. The art of mindfulness is less an art and more a conscientious practice — a workout for your brain that develops over time through a lot of hard work. Typically mindfulness starts with meditation.
I started meditating a few years ago during a tough time in my life and loved the little bits of time it gave me each day to simply relax. But after a while, my meditation practice plateaued, so I went on a five-day silent meditation retreat to really get my engines revving. And boy, did it work. I left refreshed and inspired, with a new outlook and shift in perspective on life. I had bought Wherever You Go, There You Are a while ago but never read it, so I finallyread it after my retreat in the hopes it would keep my meditation glow going. It did. Wherever You Go is the perfect book to not only explain what meditation is and why and how it can be so good for you –so cleansing, so nourishing — but it also explains explicitly how to do it. So many fear meditation because it can seem too “hippie-dippie” or “woo-woo.” Or they worry they won’t be able to do it, that it’ll hurt to sit still for so long, that they won’t be good at it and that their minds will race.
Newsflash: that’s kind of the point: to see how much your mind races and learn what that really means about you and your feelings and emotions. It can be powerful, and this book helps you to understand its value so you can put it in motion.
Analysis: Author Jon Kabat-Zinn is one of the best and brightest in the world of meditation. He’s science-based, so some of his writing can be a little heady. But his metaphors really work, like the mountain meditation. He explains that we should imagine ourselves as mountains, sitting tall with dignity, but still as various weather patterns and chaos happen around us. Some of the quotes and passages he pulled from other great meditators and literature also helped me better understand the power of meditation. Lines like “It turns out we have plenty of time, if we are willing to hold any moments at all in awareness” were a complete and utter revelation to me. Exactly! Yes! This is meditation’s value. But Kabat-Zinn’s ability to word it in such an understandable, simplistic way was incredibly helpful.
And then there was his honesty. He writes about how much he hates washing dishes or how he runs at rapid fire speed up the stairs only to catch himself and wonder “what’s the rush?” These were just what I needed halfway through the book when I thought “this guy is pretty enlightened and I will never be as ‘good’ a meditator as him” — though rightfully so, there’s no such thing as a “good” meditator anyway. But they showed that he has moments during which he lacks mindfulness too. We all do. We are not all walking Buddhas. And so it’s okay if you’re not mindful. Just catch yourself. Without judgement. And keep going in the moment. Wherever you go, there you are.
Lara's Book Club 